Friday, January 23, 2009

100th blog

Hello? (tap...tap...tap) are you in there? Is anyone still out there? I haven't been neglecting my blog as much as I have been avoiding it. I went to write a short note, that I really was alright after that last entry, when I noticed that my New Years blog was number 99 and that the next thing I wrote would be the mongo 100th blog. I couldn't waste my 100th blog on something lame like, I'm still here and all my kids are still alive. My husband came home and we and had a fantastic two and a half weeks together(he had to go back early...again).

So now I am sitting down at the computer very aware of the clock and the fact that the school age kids are coming home in one hour for a 4 day weekend.... ... ... Not sure how I feel about that. On one hand the kindergartner will get to sleep in and not throw a fit when being woken too early to go to school, of which he "does not like." And I might get a little help cleaning up. Or it could all go to heck in a hand basket and totally go the other direction. We shall see. We shall, we shall.

So I apologize for avoiding my blog. And neglecting the posting of my pictures of our surroundings and my most adorable children, especially Ellie. Even with her occasional *mood altercation* she still has the ability to melt my heart with her little smile. It makes me nervous as all get out, when she stands at the top of the stairs. She has yet to make it all the way down. She'll stop and sit on a step. and wait. for someone. This would be fine if she sat correctly on the step, but she sits backwards on it. One little kick of the feet and she'd take a header down the stairs back first.
So on to the 100th blog thing. I was tagged a couple times on Facebook with this "25 things" where you just name 25 random things about yourself. I think I'll paste that and then continue and I'll call it "100 things you didn't want to know about me and more."

1. This will probably take me forever to do, because I type like crap.
2. I have a slight caffeine addiction in the form of Diet Mt. Dew.
3. I'm very funny, especially to myself in my own head.
4. I love my own children, all 7 of them. I Like them most of the time, but there are days.
5. I am not a fan of other peoples children. If I like your kids that means I really like you.
6. I love to write.
7. I love to sing, even more than write.
8. I think the post office should stop raising the price of stamps, because real letters are so friendly.
9. I Really don't like the ages of 3 and 5. I have one of each.
10. Having a teenager really isn't as bad as people make it seem. I may have lucked out. I'll let you know when my next kid gets there.
11. I love french fry sauce.
12. I love really good hot chocolate and D.H.(from a box) brownies
13. I think my sister can be one of the funniest writers I've read, I come close, but she's better.
14. I love to perform. acting, singing, speaking, whatever if it involves practice and a performance, I'm all over it.
15. I am happy to live in the West again.
16. I love looking out my window and seeing pine trees, snow and mountains
17. I'll admit to occasionally missing things about Texas, mainly the people, shopping and the amphibious and reptilian creatures that lived in my yard. I am proud to say that we still own our house there, and if I wanted we could move back. Prob'ly won't, but could.
18. I love Italian food. And I'll never pass up a good Mexican restaurante either.
19. I love completing home improvement projects.
20. I'm a little bit of a perfectionist.
21. The first coat of paint is fun, the 8th and 9th get a little tedious. see previous 2 entries
23. My husband is awesome.
24. I Love being a Durrant
25. I love love love to see that baby girl of mine smile. Melts my heart every time.

26. I'm quite fond of kittens, I don't have as great an affinity for animals as I used to but they are still up there on the important things list.
27. I must admit to trying the *Samantha* from "Bewitched" nose wiggle AND the "I Dream of Jeannie" blink/head nod to get my house clean...didn't work.
28. I think my sock box idea is a good one, even though my husband hates it. All the socks go in one box, you find your own pair. see Tourist Season
29. I can play the piano. I just freak out a little when I have to play while people sing.
30. I've lost my knack for gutting fish, it's been a long time. I should have paid more attention when I was little. (Spencer brought one home after ice fishing, he couldn't gut it so I had to. I think I deserve a merit badge.)
31. Not a fan of spiders.
32. My favorite TV show is Smallville. Tom Welling is one dang good looking human-I mean alien. I also love all things Stargate, this I have in common with my husband and best friend, how cool is that.
33. This is my age, for another 2 months and 27 days.
34. Do I have a tattoo? Once upon a time in the land of *I'll do whatever I want* there was a rebellious little girl.....
35. I wish I would have been a nicer person at certain times in my life.
36. Chocolate Chip cookies are NOT my favorite cookies. Especially the store bought kind. blech.
37. My favorite childhood story was Sesame Streets "The Monster's 3 wishes"
38. My favorite store bought cookies are Oreo's. There is a story behind that.
39. My favorite homemade cookies are Oatmeal Raisin.
40. I like carrot cake
41. I also like lemon poppy seed muffins/bread/cake
42. I am not a fan of dark chocolate
43. I have a pair of and love my *hooker* boots. I'm actually on the hunt for another black pair, my first pair died.
44. I, on occasion, still play my flute.
45. I do not like gummy things. Except Hot Tamales
46. My favorite salad dressing is 1000 Island, NOT ranch. I also like Blue Cheese and I'm not afraid to admit it.
47. I believe that mint and chocolate were made to go together. I'll even tolerate dark choco. if paired with mint.
48. My favorite ice cream is a really good mint choco chip(surprise) and I love Rocky Road with the mini marshmallows not the swirl. There is hidden somewhere a childhood craving for pink Bubble Gum.
49. My nose is not my best feature. Too bad it's in the middle of my face.
50. I do, however, have great hair. It has a mind of it's own, and must be dyed every 6 weeks, thanks to having kids. But it's still great hair.
51. I love the Peanuts gang.
52. I miss REAL cartoons.
53. I wish I knew more about interior decorating. HGTV helps, but...
54. I would love to actually be TOTALLY organized, like Melissa H. organized.
55. My creative artist is frustrated. I have paintings I want to do, but due to the un-organization of my craft/art/office, I can't get them started.
56. Oh yeah, I'm an artist. My eraser is my favorite tool.
57. I like ironing
58. I love the smell of clean laundry. I don't mind washing, drying or even folding, I'm just not so good at the putting away part.
59. I have lived in 4 states. UT, WY, TN, TX. put WY in between and after TN & TX. Do we see a pattern?
60. Spring is my favorite season.
61. Rain is my favorite weather. I did like the rain in Houston, it didn't smell right though.
62. I love the smell on the plains, right before it rains.
63. I'm a poet
64. I have not read a single "Twilight" series book. that may change.
65. I did read all HP books and 3 Leven Thumps books and I ordered the 4th today.
66. I have not eaten out by myself. Nor have I gone to a movie alone. I don't believe the latter would bother me.
67. I try to be a very grateful person and very aware of my blessings.
68. I have a bad habit of taking my socks off in the middle of the night and leaving them under the covers at the bottom of the bed.
69. my space bar has issues
70. It's hard to find a good orange, therefore, oranges are not my favorite.
71. I feel the same way about apples.
72. I like berries. straw, and blue, and fresh rasp.
73. If you have Dish network, DVR is a must.
74. I like cool colors, HOWEVER, I am becoming quite fond of yellow.
75. If I could spend a WHOLE day with anyone, ALONE, it would be... my husband.
76. I would also like to spend a day with President Monson. Just to learn.
77. I DO NOT like large bodies of water. not a swimmer.
78. There are no erasers in my house, the baby has eaten them all.
79. I think Space Bags are awesome, but they cost too much.
80. I like my friends
81. My eyes are blue, with a tan ring around the pupil.
82. I think baby tongues are cute.
83. I love teddy bears.
84. I'm not a big jewelry person.
85. I love brand new babies. that's probably why I had so many.
86. I occasionally want to be a recluse.
87. I would love to cuddle my cat Mogli (pronounced Mowgli, just not spelled that way) more, IF he didn't drool.
88. I like Easter.
89. and Christmas.
90. hate Halloween.
91. is how old my grandma is going to be this year
92. I'm thankful for my faith, knowledge and religion.
93. I'm grateful for my husband and his willingness to support this ginormous family and I'm grateful for his job.
94. I believe music is a part of my survival.
95. I believe God is a very theatrical Being (not my original idea) using all of our senses to get our attention. " I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me."
96. I am grateful I have toes.
97. I am grateful for my health and the health of my family.
98. I am grateful for the faith and prayers from past/current friends and family on my behalf, that resulted in the changing of my life.
99. I am grateful to: a loving Father in Heaven for answering those prayers, my Brother and Savior, Jesus Christ for offering an infinite atonement, and to the speaker and comforter on their behalf, that is the Holy Ghost for pricking my heart and inspiring me to wake up.
100. I am grateful that I get to be with my family FOREVER. eternity is a long time to be alone.

So that's it. 100 things
good day to ya.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Warning New Years Blues/moment of weakness

I think that there comes a point in every body's life when they admit that they just aren't what they should be or what they could be. Not as good, not as strong, not as thin, not as pretty, not as organized, not as clean, not as pure, not as nice, not as quiet, not as smart, not as thoughtful, not as talented, not as creative, not as useful, not as right, not as serving, not as deserving, not name it. There are times when we despise everything about ourselves and if given the opportunity we would sit in the corner of the shower until the water washes us, in all our imperfection down the drain in a swirling whirlpool. All at the same time we criticize ourselves for being such a mess and not having it all together. If you don't have clue as to what I'm talking about, you have never had a hormonal moment in your life and should probably stop reading because you won't get it. Maybe it's not entirely hormone related, all the time, but in those moments those thoughts are magnified 1000 times and the fix it solution seems so far distant and unreachable.
For those of you who wonder how I do it? With 7 kids and a husband who (very gratefully) has a job, a good job, but a job that takes him away for almost a month at time. How do I handle Christmas, and New Years and other holidays and traditions and birthdays and Dr. appointments and school programs and lost teeth and first steps and cleaning and dinner,(lunch, breakfast) and homework and vacation time and church and chores and niceness and disciplines and everything else including hormonal moments of weakness, without him?... Well sometimes I DON'T. My house is not clean and my kids are not nice. And sometimes I don't want to go to church. Someone gave a talk last week in church about how *it's NOT good to do things just because we're supposed to,* You know the "if your heart's not in it"talk. As Jacob was crawling under and behind the pew kicking the divider curtain(between the chapel and the gym) and as I was trying to keep the other kids on top of keeping the 128 crayons(they brought both boxes) and Cheerios from flying across the chapel, and being irritated at the teenager for wanting to color instead of listening or (heaven forbid) help. Jennifer was even there because she was going to accompany me to sing and she had the baby. It's really hard to prepare to sing with the Spirit while your having thoughts of beating your children when you get home. And when I finally caught Jacob and drug him by his ankles over the bench, I thought to this gal that was speaking "You don't have a FREAKIN clue" Sometimes we HAVE to do things just because we're supposed to, if we didn't then we wouldn't make it around to the *do it 'cause our heart's in the right place* time ever again. So I guess in this moment as I feed my children Muddy Buddies for New Years dinner, I admit that I give myself a big fat "F" in motherhood today. When you have to sit down and apologize to your children for being crazy and overwhelmed and tell them you're sorry that you aren't as good of mom as they deserve, your grade can't get any lower. I'll be funny later.