Something to blog about

So I have learned when ordinary mundane tasks take a twist to the difficult, do to whatever circumstances, good stories are born and there is finally something to blog about. I have said and I quote myself... Good art comes from weak hearts. This applies to all sorts of things. It just adds to the idea of *opposition in all things*... makes everything a lot funnier. So here we go with my two days direct from the funnier side of Hell.
It all started when Caleb, the new 1st grader, walked out of his room dressed for the first day of school. His jeans were too short and there were little holes in both knees. And then when Sariah, the new 5th grader, came out dressed for the 2nd day of school in the same pair of ratty jeans she wore the first day. She complained that "nothing fits" when told to go change (because she looked like a hobo.) I don't have anything, in particular, against hobo's. As long as my children don't accept their *forced* sense of fashion for their own. I came quickly to the conclusion that my children needed new clothes. This required a trip to the nearest Walmart. Which happens to be in Riverton, a nice hour and 20 minute jaunt down the highway. The soonest this could happen was Saturday. I asked my friend to keep the 3 youngest kids. While I understand the insanity of taking any children shopping wherever there are fluorescent lights involved (I'm telling you there is a connection in crazy behavior in children and the lighting in the stores), I am not stupid enough to shove them all in a hot car (the AC isn't working quite right) and then shop with them for clothes, let alone food. We are attempting the cold lunch approach this year. So we needed to get groceries at a cheaper location, which is NOWHERE in this town. So our Saturday started out with the goal of accomplishing two things, buy clothes, so they're not naked. And buy food so the lunches don't totally suck.
In the car on the way we listened to "Eclipse" the 3rd book in the Twilight series. Interesting, I'm not sure still how I feel about these books, but that's another post altogether. I sped a little which I rarely if ever do. The most I go is 5 over the speed limit. But even that much with windy mountain roads can make a warm car ride even bumpier or more sway-ier, add WY wind and you get the PERFECT ingredients for car sickness. I should know, I used to puke on every car trip, just ask my sister. Everything was fine until we were maybe 5 miles outside Riverton, if that. Gabriel says from the middle seat, "I think I'm going to be sick." I wasn't quite sure how to process this information. I had dealt with Sariah saying that most of the trip just so she could have her window down. So I suggested that he move over to the window and get some air. I would have pulled over but we had been stuck between two trucks for a while and there was no real place to do it. I yelled for Spencer to find a trash bag, we had nothing in the car. Come on, we always have some sort of trash bag in the car, we have melted crayons... and an old cheeseburger, why not a stupid trash bag. I looked back at Gabe in hopes that he could understand that we were super close and if he could just hold... oh never mind. By the time I had even registered anything, he had already puked out the window. Now in the land where the *handbook to life* is handed out when you're born, you get to learn directly from its pages making some of life's experiences easier. But since we don't live there, we have to learn some things by trial and oops. For example, in the *handbook to life* under the chapter titled "Things NOT to do" you would find suggestions such as; "Pee on a flat rock" or "Teach your baby sister to bite" or "Puke out the window, going 65mph... into the wind." Gabriel got to learn this one on his own.
After I realized that it had already happened we pulled into the Kmart parking lot, (It was across the street from Walmart. (I thought it might be a nice change for clothes shopping.) to asses full damages. Gabe had tried to get most of the puke off his face using the half dried baby wipes that were in the car. I looked at his shirt trying to decide if we could get away with taking him inside. Oh, I didn't mention the chocolate cream pie that he had for breakfast. Right do the visual math. Anyway the decision was made that I needed to go buy him some new clothes and have him change. I got out and then saw the side of the vehicle. All I could do was laugh and think about the truck driving behind us, it had to have gotten hit. (that's mean, I know) I went in the store, found him a Tshirt and pair of shorts and some wet baby wipes. Then went back out. While he changed, I tried to wipe down the side of the suburban with the baby wipes. So instead of chocolate vomit splattered, I mean SPLATTERED all across the truck, we now had whitish smeary chocolate puke swirls all across the truck. And this was NOT all that day. but that is all I have time to type right now. Spencer starts seminary tomorrow morning and that means I have to get up early so I can make sure he catches his ride. but I will continue tomorrow with the rest of what happened, because that was all before noon. Oh and then there was today...